love love love love love love love love love love

Now what? How do I reconfigure my life alone?

I was broken when I met Brad. It was a year after my former husband, Jay, had died. But I began to see myself as Brad saw me—vibrant, whole, strong—and this helped me to heal. He admired me for being artistic, loved to hear me sing, listened to my poems. It worked both ways. I loved the stories he told, the omelets he made, the way he held me tight when I cried. We saw ourselves in each other and he healed too from things in his life. We became intensely entwined.

We weren’t always physically in the same place, but that never mattered. We were part of something together, something beyond the physical world. It was rarified, ethereal. I have to remember that now, cling to it.

I try to move through life as just myself now, alone in the physical world, try to set ideas into motion. I sit still. Discern the nuances. Trust that my life will move forward in the way it’s meant to when the time is right. Until then, I just keep crying it out, protected by this connection. His devotion altered the core of me. It will forever radiate wildly. I let love continue to guide me, see myself as Brad saw me the last time I was broken: vibrant, whole, strong.

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