I read in The Atlantic about Mommy Blogs–places where a certain kind of virtual intimacy is created with other mothers. We didn’t have blogs when my kids were little. We had the “baby park” in Providence, an urban land of wild toddlers enclosed by a 19th century gate–no escapes. Most days we were five mothers, with eleven children, who shared sunscreen, snacks, bandaids and wipes.
When I read some of the recommended Mommy Blogs, I began to feel incredibly nostalgic for the time when my own children were small. Now that my youngest is about to graduate from high school, I’m feeling the loss of a large part of my identity. And, more importantly, I’m wondering, what the fuck am I going to do now? How am I changing and who am I becoming?
That sounds really dramatic and/or pretentious and/or attempting to be existential, but I’m serious. I have my work and I have my dog. But my life–the meat of my life–has been my children for the past 20+ years, so I am questioning things….
Thus, the Post-Mommy Blog.
I mean, I used to spend my days with these scrappy bikers.
I now live in rural Vermont, where my ex-husband and I moved 13 years ago so that we could give the kids an experience of country life. Since he and I are both New Yorkers, it didn’t go so well. We wound up getting divorced.
And then–this part is sad–the next man I married (true love) got very sick and died. That was almost five years ago now…….
So Vermont’s been a real shitshow for me.
My children grew up slow-paced in a place where your voice can be heard in local politics, a place where you know spring is coming when you see little tin maple sugar buckets on trees and a place where materialism is not a dominant societal factor–no one cares what kind of car you drive.
But now what?
With no house, no significant other, no job that ties me to Vermont, and soon, no children at home, the possibilities are terrifying and thrilling at once……